La Casa, Inc. – Domestic Violence | Las Cruces, NM https://www.lacasainc.org Mon, 06 Jul 2020 15:46:12 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.5.1 It’s hard to flee from your domestic abuser during a coronavirus lockdown https://www.lacasainc.org/its-hard-to-flee-from-your-domestic-abuser-during-a-coronavirus-lockdown/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=its-hard-to-flee-from-your-domestic-abuser-during-a-coronavirus-lockdown https://www.lacasainc.org/its-hard-to-flee-from-your-domestic-abuser-during-a-coronavirus-lockdown/#respond Mon, 06 Jul 2020 15:35:27 +0000 https://www.lacasainc.org/?p=3680 During the COVID-19 lockdown, calls for help to domestic violence hotlines have grown shorter and more frantic. One woman shared her story with NBC News.

Read full article here.

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Day By Day: Inside A Domestic Violence Shelter In The Coronavirus Era https://www.lacasainc.org/day-by-day-inside-a-domestic-violence-shelter-in-the-coronavirus-era/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=day-by-day-inside-a-domestic-violence-shelter-in-the-coronavirus-era https://www.lacasainc.org/day-by-day-inside-a-domestic-violence-shelter-in-the-coronavirus-era/#respond Mon, 06 Jul 2020 15:26:43 +0000 https://www.lacasainc.org/?p=3676 The pandemic has stretched this New Mexico domestic violence shelter down to its last dollar. Its executive director and staff are doing all they can to keep the doors open amid a spike in people needing services.

Read the full article here.

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2019 Annual Report https://www.lacasainc.org/2019-annual-report/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=2019-annual-report https://www.lacasainc.org/2019-annual-report/#respond Wed, 01 Jul 2020 15:02:53 +0000 https://www.lacasainc.org/?p=3646 Download our Annual Report here!

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La Casa, Inc. is here to help survivors. https://www.lacasainc.org/la-casa-inc-is-here-to-help-survivors/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=la-casa-inc-is-here-to-help-survivors https://www.lacasainc.org/la-casa-inc-is-here-to-help-survivors/#comments Sun, 19 Apr 2020 04:45:26 +0000 https://www.lacasainc.org/?p=3451

La Casa, Inc. was highlighted in an amazing article by Mike Cook of The Las Cruces Bulletin, “Domestic violence: Mary’s story of survival and triumph.”

We want to share with you this article that gives a glimpse of how La Casa, Inc. works and helps survivors.

 

 

“I’m a survivor,” said a Las Cruces woman about her 17-year struggle with domestic violence.

Mary (not her real name) was 18 years old when she met Frank (not his real name), the man with whom she would begin a long-term relationship and have a child.

“When I met him, he was super mysterious,” Mary said. “I never really put up red flags with him because he was so charming.”

The two began dating and were “doing really good,” she said. Then, one morning, “I was nagging him,” Mary said, because she was late to work. She was driving him to his house before she went to work. He told her to “be quiet or I’m going to get you quiet.” Mary said she kept nagging him, and “all of a sudden I just saw knuckles coming toward my face. It happened so fast.” She was bleeding as she continued to drive the car, and was also crying by this time, Mary said. Frank told her “to get quiet” or his response “would get much worse.”

“That was my introduction to the world,” Mary said.

When she began visiting La Casa more than two years ago, “I was really broken down,” Mary said. “I’ve learned super wonderful things there.” La Casa, she said, has offered her “super wonderful support,” and a safe haven. “They never looked at me like a victim,” Mary said, seeing her instead as “a person who shared my story. I felt dignity going there instead of being judged.” La Casa’s question to Mary, she said, was “’How can we help you?’”

“I got to hear other stories,” she said. “Other couples are going through this.”

That helped Mary to find the voice to speak up for herself, she said, and the courage to set personal boundaries.

Mary has also learned from La Casa that she is okay without Frank.

“My role there is to provide education, advocacy and support,” said La Casa Lead Nonresidential Case Manager Stacy Carbajal. “Domestic violence is a viscous cycle,” she said. “We understand that.”

Mary said La Casa has never pressured her to end her relationship with Frank. Instead, she said, “they gave me tools on how to make my relationship healthier,” and also to help her deal with the shame she has experienced because of the abuse.

Carbajal remembers Mary was surprised when she was told she would not have to give up her relationship with Frank to continue treatment at La Casa. “It’s your choice,” Carbajal told Mary.

La Casa helped her with creating boundaries and learning to be more assertive to create healthier relationships, Carbajal said, so Mary could decide for herself about her future.

Mary said she would recommend La Casa to anyone dealing with domestic violence. “You don’t have to be silent,” Mary said.

 

Thank you Las Cruces Bulletin for sharing Mary’s story. We are so glad to be able to help and to be a part of her survival story.

 

 

You can read the full article here.

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Counseling and Domestic Violence Abusers https://www.lacasainc.org/counseling-and-domestic-violence-abusers/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=counseling-and-domestic-violence-abusers https://www.lacasainc.org/counseling-and-domestic-violence-abusers/#comments Mon, 02 Mar 2020 05:29:07 +0000 https://www.lacasainc.org/?p=3438

Domestic violence shelters and organizations first and foremost, focus on survivors of abuse but many are starting to offer Batterer Counseling with hopes of educating and preventing future aggression.

Why help abusers?

While arrest and incarcerations is an important deterrent to domestic violence, it isn’t a cure and repeat offenses often occur.  Batterers cannot be incarcerated forever. Several organizations decided to try and help abusers through reeducation, showing abusers how to handle their emotions and learn what actions are considered abusive.

Does it work?

Research is showing that counseling can help many but it is not a cure all for everyone. Not all groups have the same approach to counseling and finding the right directions to counseling the many various factors of domestic violence will take time. The end results is still dependent on each individual.

To learn more about Batterers Counseling, click on the following link and read about how several different counseling programs started, how they work, a real life account of a domestic violence abuser and his process through counseling.

 

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/01/seeking-cure-domestic-violence/604168/

 

excerpt:

“For Andrew, then 34 years old, being court-ordered to attend a class for wife-beaters was a shameful low point. It signaled to everyone that he had violated an immutable taboo, impressed upon him since childhood: Men do not hit women. He had been arrested for battering Gretchen five years before, in 2010, but she had requested that he be let off, and the charges had been reduced to disorderly conduct. Since his latest arrest, Andrew hadn’t wanted to speak to anyone about the classes, afraid of where the conversation might go. As he waited for class to start, he stared at the dusty umber carpeting, inwardly vowing to avoid speech or eye contact.

Andrew was horrified when, a few minutes in, the facilitator leading the group asked him to introduce himself to his classmates. Explain, the man said, smiling, why you’re here.

Andrew stood up. “I’m Andrew,” he said, eyes still fixed on the floor. “I’m here because I hit my wife, Gretchen.”

Sinking back into his seat, Andrew was suddenly overcome by an unexpected sense of relief. He still didn’t want to be in the room, at all, but speaking his stigma aloud—admitting, in semipublic, the hideous thing he’d done—felt, to his surprise, kind of good. Over the next six months, he continued to unburden himself to the men, and they to him. Soon, Andrew would come to believe—as would Gretchen—that the class was the only thing capable of exorcising the evil pieces of his spirit and making him a decent man.”

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Newsletter – January 2020 https://www.lacasainc.org/newsletter-january-2020/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=newsletter-january-2020 https://www.lacasainc.org/newsletter-january-2020/#comments Fri, 24 Jan 2020 06:15:44 +0000 https://www.lacasainc.org/?p=3427
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Newsletter – November 2019 https://www.lacasainc.org/newsletter-november-2019/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=newsletter-november-2019 https://www.lacasainc.org/newsletter-november-2019/#comments Wed, 11 Dec 2019 22:24:37 +0000 https://www.lacasainc.org/?p=3410
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What to pack when you are ready to leave. https://www.lacasainc.org/what-to-pack-when-you-are-ready-to-leave/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=what-to-pack-when-you-are-ready-to-leave https://www.lacasainc.org/what-to-pack-when-you-are-ready-to-leave/#comments Wed, 11 Dec 2019 03:37:33 +0000 https://www.lacasainc.org/?p=3400

If you are planning to leave a domestic violence situation, here is a list of items you may need and should consider packing.

It is important to plan your departure and find the safest time for you to leave your abuser. You may want to have all your paperwork in an easily accessible location, so you can pick them up quickly when you are ready.  If you are in immediate danger, take what you are able and find a safe location as soon as possible.

 

Important Paperwork

● Birth certificates and social security cards for yourself and your children

● Driver’s license and/or passports

● W2s and paystubs

● Work permits

● Government benefits card

● Green card or immigration papers

● Marriage, divorce and custody papers

● Legal protection or restraining orders and records of any police reports you have filed

● Health insurance cards and medical records

● Your children’s school records

● Immunization records

● Financial records and bank account numbers

● Apartment rental agreement or lease, or house deed

● Car title, registration, and insurance documentation

Money

● Cash and prepaid credit cards that can’t be traced

● Credit cards and the PIN numbers you need to withdraw cash

● ATM card

● Checks

● Small valuables you could sell if need be

Communication

● A post office box or safe address where you can forward your mail

● Phone calling card

● Prepaid cell phone or a cell phone with a new contract and number

● Your address book or cell phone contacts

Medical

● Current medications and prescriptions for yourself and your children

● Eyeglasses, contact lenses, hearing aids and any other medical devices you or your children need

Other items

● Pets, their records, and any needed items like food, a leash, bedding and medication

● Keys

● Clothing

● Small toys or books for your children

● Any keepsakes you would like to have

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What is Gaslighting in Domestic Violence? https://www.lacasainc.org/what-is-gaslighting-in-domestic-violence/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=what-is-gaslighting-in-domestic-violence https://www.lacasainc.org/what-is-gaslighting-in-domestic-violence/#comments Mon, 11 Nov 2019 07:32:50 +0000 https://www.lacasainc.org/?p=3359

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a used to describe psychological manipulation to which one individual convinces another person that what they are remembering did not actually occur, pretending to misunderstand the other person, or questioning their memory of events.

“You’re crazy – that never happened.”

“Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.”

“It’s all in your head.”

Does your partner repeatedly say things like this to you? Do you often start questioning your own perception of reality, even your own sanity, within your relationship? If so, your partner may be using what mental health professionals call “gaslighting.”

This term comes from the 1938 stage play Gas Light, in which a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights (which were powered by gas) in their home, and then he denies that the light changed when his wife points it out. It is an extremely effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity, which gives the abusive partner a lot of power (and we know that abuse is about power and control). Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to stay in the abusive relationship.

There are a variety of gaslighting techniques that an abusive partner might use:

Withholding: the abusive partner pretends not to understand or refuses to listen. Ex. “I don’t want to hear this again,” or “You’re trying to confuse me.”

Countering: the abusive partner questions the victim’s memory of events, even when the victim remembers them accurately. Ex. “You’re wrong, you never remember things correctly.”

Blocking/Diverting: the abusive partner changes the subject and/or questions the victim’s thoughts. Ex. “Is that another crazy idea you got from [friend/family member]?” or “You’re imagining things.”

Trivializing: the abusive partner makes the victim’s needs or feelings seem unimportant. Ex. “You’re going to get angry over a little thing like that?” or “You’re too sensitive.”

Forgetting/Denial: the abusive partner pretends to have forgotten what actually occurred or denies things like promises made to the victim. Ex. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” or “You’re just making stuff up.”
(Adapted from: Source)

Gaslighting typically happens very gradually in a relationship; in fact, the abusive partner’s actions may seem harmless at first. Over time, however, these abusive patterns continue and a victim can become confused, anxious, isolated, and depressed, and they can lose all sense of what is actually happening. Then they start relying on the abusive partner more and more to define reality, which creates a very difficult situation to escape.

In order to overcome this type of abuse, it’s important to start recognizing the signs and eventually learn to trust yourself again. According to author and psychoanalyst Robin Stern, Ph.D., the signs of being a victim of gaslighting include:

  • You constantly second-guess yourself.
  • You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” multiple times a day.
  • You often feel confused and even crazy.
  • You’re always apologizing to your partner.
  • You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.
  • You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
  • You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
  • You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
  • You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
  • You have trouble making simple decisions.
  • You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
  • You feel hopeless and joyless.
  • You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
  • You wonder if you are a “good enough” partner.

Articles Link (source) (source)

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Month Of Caring https://www.lacasainc.org/month-of-caring/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=month-of-caring https://www.lacasainc.org/month-of-caring/#comments Wed, 18 Sep 2019 01:09:26 +0000 https://www.lacasainc.org/?p=3257

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and we have a full calendar of fundraising events at community businesses to support La Casa, Inc. We hope you can join us at one of the participating business locations!

Grand Re-Opening of South Valley Offices

Little Caesar’s Fundraiser Kickoff

Sonoma Ranch Golf Course Kickoff

Candlelight Vigil

Papa John’s Fundraiser (Solano)

Chick-Fil-A-Fundraiser

Chuck E. Cheese (Lohman)

Chili’s

IHOP

Chipotle

Jason’s Deli

Raising Cane’s Fundraiser

Papa John’s Fundraiser (Del Rey)

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